Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
