his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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