I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
