loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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