Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
