I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
