Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He shit in the fireplace
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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