she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
That's when you crack a 10am beer
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
