he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
