Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
