that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
