I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
