yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
