We won't sleep together?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
