he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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