the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
