Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
