I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
