It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
