man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
