I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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