I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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