I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
