She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
