I'm gonna have a badass scar
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
