I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My vagina is very pro this idea
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