thus making me awesome and them whores
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
