he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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