thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
