I want to make a zoo with you.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The adults are the big ones right?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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