i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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