Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
