so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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