im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
