8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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