I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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