He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
