True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
