I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
