Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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