hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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