i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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