somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
