Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
