Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
