I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
