im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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