dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
