Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
