I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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