He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
