can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
