I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
