i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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