Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
